It was a wonderful day!
Of course, one has to put it all in perspective being the day of my mother-in-law's funeral. But, it was the day that she would have wanted. The service was beautiful; the opportunity to say goodbye at the end of the service was special; the eulogies by my wife, her sister, and two of my nieces were wonderful; and the meal after the interment allowed us to properly close out the day with close family and friends.
For me, this was the most moving time. One of my mother-in-law's favorite colors was red. Today being epiphany, the church was adorned with many bright red pointsettia plants. It was a further fitting tribute to her. At the end of the service, as people lined up to pay their final respects, my mother-in-law's closest friend slowly made her way to the coffin and gently placed a flower within it.
I would like to say that this brought tears to my eyes - but I can't. My eyes no longer make tears. Because of this, I felt somewhat cheated today. Having been able to do so at prior funerals, I realize the cathartic release that you can feel as tears stream down your cheeks. I am now deprived of that and it really bothers me that it is something taht I can no longer experience. You most certainly can feel it inside. But, to me, it seems not enough. Admittedly, I have no choice. But it doesn't change how you feel.
In any case, the day was most certainly not about me. Being able to bring closure to a life that touched that of so many others was the message of the day. She was a special lady and it took a special day to honor the life that she lived, the memories that she gave us, and the legacy that she left behind. That day was today and we are all so grateful for it.
All in all a wonderful sendoff to a wonderful lady.
Goodbye mom - may God rest your soul- you will be missed.
Thank you for being you...
Bob
January 5, 2011 10:45 PM
A very up and down day!
It began with our trip to Mass Eye And Ear to ascertain what has happened to my eyes over the past month. The verdict? Much improved! So much so that my next visit with this doctor is not for another three months.
But it seems that I can never completely escape. The pressure in my eyes is a little high. It's not caused by glaucoma because the nerves look fine. It's caused from the prednisone that I take to fight off graft vs host disease. The doctor said that stopping the prednisone would immediately return the pressure back to normal. But that is not an option!
End result. I have to go see a glaucoma specialist at the end of the month who is expected to prescribe more eyedrops for me to take. Bring it on is all that I can say to this. I take enough drps as it is that another one won't make any difference.
From Boston it was to my sister-in-law's place and, ultimately, the funeral home. We all had to admit that upon the first viewing the general concesus was that the home did a magnificent job. My mother-in-law looked wonderful. She is going to depart this world looking dignified and like the lady that she was. Emotionally, that initial viewing can be tough, but the preparation effort was so good that it mitigated some of that as we half expected her to rise up and talk.
I have to admit that the wake was held over my mother-in-law's objections(she did not want one). But, she was told beforehand that the wake was for the living and that it was a necessary part of our achieving closure to her departure. It also provided others with the opportunity to pay their respects to her and to relate to the family how much she meant to each of the people who chose to attend. It greatly aided in accomplishing those goals.
Tomorrow is the funeral. It will, once again. be tough and possibly made moreso by the fact that there is nothing left after that. Friday commences day one without my mother-in-law. A lifesyle that we must now adapt to but not one that we must embrace or enjoy. I'll let you know how it works out.
So tonight we saw a lot of family and friends(old and new). I want to thank all of you who came - you support is gratefully appreciated. Why is it that only weddings and funerals tend to bring us all together again? It seems that we let life get in the way of really enjoying one of the greatest benefits that life has to offer by taking the time to interact with friends on a more regular basis.
Shame on us...
Bob
It began with our trip to Mass Eye And Ear to ascertain what has happened to my eyes over the past month. The verdict? Much improved! So much so that my next visit with this doctor is not for another three months.
But it seems that I can never completely escape. The pressure in my eyes is a little high. It's not caused by glaucoma because the nerves look fine. It's caused from the prednisone that I take to fight off graft vs host disease. The doctor said that stopping the prednisone would immediately return the pressure back to normal. But that is not an option!
End result. I have to go see a glaucoma specialist at the end of the month who is expected to prescribe more eyedrops for me to take. Bring it on is all that I can say to this. I take enough drps as it is that another one won't make any difference.
From Boston it was to my sister-in-law's place and, ultimately, the funeral home. We all had to admit that upon the first viewing the general concesus was that the home did a magnificent job. My mother-in-law looked wonderful. She is going to depart this world looking dignified and like the lady that she was. Emotionally, that initial viewing can be tough, but the preparation effort was so good that it mitigated some of that as we half expected her to rise up and talk.
I have to admit that the wake was held over my mother-in-law's objections(she did not want one). But, she was told beforehand that the wake was for the living and that it was a necessary part of our achieving closure to her departure. It also provided others with the opportunity to pay their respects to her and to relate to the family how much she meant to each of the people who chose to attend. It greatly aided in accomplishing those goals.
Tomorrow is the funeral. It will, once again. be tough and possibly made moreso by the fact that there is nothing left after that. Friday commences day one without my mother-in-law. A lifesyle that we must now adapt to but not one that we must embrace or enjoy. I'll let you know how it works out.
So tonight we saw a lot of family and friends(old and new). I want to thank all of you who came - you support is gratefully appreciated. Why is it that only weddings and funerals tend to bring us all together again? It seems that we let life get in the way of really enjoying one of the greatest benefits that life has to offer by taking the time to interact with friends on a more regular basis.
Shame on us...
Bob
January 3, 2011 7:55 PM
May she resr in peace!
My mother-in-law passed away last night around midnight. As it seems with most passings, it is a mixed blessing. No one passes away like that because they are in good health and from that point of view this was the best possible outcome. But, as we all know, our heads tell us one thing while our hearts say another and she will be greatly mixed.
As much as we accept that this is the way that life works and we know that the day will come when our parents are no longer with us, we are never really prepared to see it happen. But, in our case, we can collectively look back over the past five weeks or so and see that she seemed to will herself through the holidays and past her 93rd birthday until yesterday when there seemed to be nothing left to live for.
Coincidence or not, the ordeal began on Thanksgiving night after everyone had gone home from a wonderful day. She stayed in the hospital until December 3rd(her birthday) - came home for a makeshift birthday party that night - and re-entered the hospital the next morning - staying until the 20th. She was at our house for Christmas; re-entered the hospital on the 30th for half a day; came back home to a New Year's party at her residence that afternoon; and also made it past New Year's Day. She never missed any holiday events or her birthday. We are all so extremely grateful that she was able to be a part of this year's festivities.
As the nurse said yesterday, everyone likes to die in their own way. It seemed that she did not want to pass with everyone gathered around her during the day. As evening wore on, we all exited with the thought of seeing her today. However, a few hours after my sister-in-law left, in the quiet of the evening accompanied only by a hospice care worker, she was finally ready for God's call on her own terms.
Arrangements have been made for a Wednesday evening wake and a Thursday funeral. Time to muster ourselves to say our last goodbyes to someone who had lived a long and productive life.
She has left behind so many people whose lives she touched and who have already expressed their deep sorrow at her passing and how much they will miss her.
What a wonderful legacy to leave behind!
May we all be so fortunate...
Bob
My mother-in-law passed away last night around midnight. As it seems with most passings, it is a mixed blessing. No one passes away like that because they are in good health and from that point of view this was the best possible outcome. But, as we all know, our heads tell us one thing while our hearts say another and she will be greatly mixed.
As much as we accept that this is the way that life works and we know that the day will come when our parents are no longer with us, we are never really prepared to see it happen. But, in our case, we can collectively look back over the past five weeks or so and see that she seemed to will herself through the holidays and past her 93rd birthday until yesterday when there seemed to be nothing left to live for.
Coincidence or not, the ordeal began on Thanksgiving night after everyone had gone home from a wonderful day. She stayed in the hospital until December 3rd(her birthday) - came home for a makeshift birthday party that night - and re-entered the hospital the next morning - staying until the 20th. She was at our house for Christmas; re-entered the hospital on the 30th for half a day; came back home to a New Year's party at her residence that afternoon; and also made it past New Year's Day. She never missed any holiday events or her birthday. We are all so extremely grateful that she was able to be a part of this year's festivities.
As the nurse said yesterday, everyone likes to die in their own way. It seemed that she did not want to pass with everyone gathered around her during the day. As evening wore on, we all exited with the thought of seeing her today. However, a few hours after my sister-in-law left, in the quiet of the evening accompanied only by a hospice care worker, she was finally ready for God's call on her own terms.
Arrangements have been made for a Wednesday evening wake and a Thursday funeral. Time to muster ourselves to say our last goodbyes to someone who had lived a long and productive life.
She has left behind so many people whose lives she touched and who have already expressed their deep sorrow at her passing and how much they will miss her.
What a wonderful legacy to leave behind!
May we all be so fortunate...
Bob
January 2, 2011 8:45 PM
The roller coaster ride is going down and it's not going back up!
My mother-in-law is dying.
We spent the entire day at her assisted living home with the rest of the family plus a hospice care worker and a visiting nurse. The visiting nurse was a very kind and sensitive woman who assessed the situation as she saw it and stated that there is not much time left. After suffering many, many years with congestive heart failure, other parts of my mother-in-law's body are now beginning to shut down.
She did. however, spend a peaceful day made even more so with medication to ease her breathing and any discomfort that she might have. Tomorrow we'll go down again as early as we can - staying as long as necessary.
The vigil has begun, the end is coming, pray to God for an easy passing.
She will be missed....
Bob
My mother-in-law is dying.
We spent the entire day at her assisted living home with the rest of the family plus a hospice care worker and a visiting nurse. The visiting nurse was a very kind and sensitive woman who assessed the situation as she saw it and stated that there is not much time left. After suffering many, many years with congestive heart failure, other parts of my mother-in-law's body are now beginning to shut down.
She did. however, spend a peaceful day made even more so with medication to ease her breathing and any discomfort that she might have. Tomorrow we'll go down again as early as we can - staying as long as necessary.
The vigil has begun, the end is coming, pray to God for an easy passing.
She will be missed....
Bob
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