March 4, 2011 12:45 AM

Caught between a rock and a hard place!

It's been such a long time now since I started this blog and it, oftentimes, seems to me that I have said it all. The major part of my journey is over and, thank God, has placed in a position that I can lead a fairly normal life. Not much happens anymore of any great substance(at least in my mind) so that I feel as though what I have to say really doesn't have much importance to it and is of no interest to people.

True, every once in a while a doctor's appoinment occurs and I can pass on to you the essence of what happened - both good and bad. I'm not here to gild the lily and it would ccertainly serve no purpose to fabricate what has happened. In between, however, as I shed light on some of my daily activities I feel as though I'm wasting my time and, more importantly, yours. As I shared with you just a little while ago, I had seriously contemplated bringing this endeavor to and end.

So what amn I leading up to here? It goes like this. The other day I received an e-mail from someone who I do not know who found this blog via a Google search. Though, thankfullly, she does not suffer from leukemia she mentioned someone who did and said that she found this blog to be very positive and uplifting and informative because, I guess, you don't get a layman's take on this situation in very many websites. I found that to be true. All you get are clinical sites with lots of numbers and technical terms that you can't always understand so you have no idea where you stand and what lies in store for you.

That being said, I can only directly comment on my story. However, I have been involved with a number of people suffering from various blood cancers who have been so positive with thier attitudes that they have inspired me and I have to go back for more. Some of these people still have active cancers, most have suffered much more that me, some have died, and still others are in total doubt as to what thier future may be. Yet, they remain so positive that it is contagious. Talk about God working through other people!

So what's my problem? I feel that I can't contribute that much anymore and at the same time I have no idea who my audience is and what they are picking up from what I have to say. Because of this, I want to stop - but I can't!

I wouldn't wish this disease on anyone. But, having been placed in that position, I can only say that I have met some amazing people(doctors, nurses, fellow disease sufferers, etc.) and I have come to see myself differently(who I am, what I am, how I look at things, etc.).

Walking the walk continues to be so rewarding for me(and, hopefully, for you) that I have no choice but to keep on trucking...

Bob