January 6, 2010 11:45 PM 46 days to go

Happiness!

On many levels today was a great for happiness. The most obvious being our trip to Dana-Farber this morning and the net results. For the first time since I was diagnosed, my red blood cell, hematocrit, and hemoglobin counts were all NORMAL. But in order to get there a truly amazing thing happened. These counts that were slowly creeping upward toward a huge jump these past two weeks into the normal range. My doctor was very pleased to say the least(I was too!)

The other counts(liver function, etc.) that were elevated and precipitated my return to taking one of the immuno-suppressants and prednisone responded very positively to the medication and were either back to normal or approaching normal. Though I am staying on these medications for at least the next 3 weeks, the minor graft vs host disease and the abiliy to control it are precisely what the doctor wanted to see. Why? Because statististics show that those people who experience this behavior are less likely to suffer a relapse. So, what appears to be one step backward is, in reality, two steps forward.

As I commented on yesterday, I asked the doctor to assess my journey to this point, to be candid about my overall chances, and to give me a heads up as to what lies ahead for 2010. His assessment of my journey to this point was that I have been doing "remarkably well". This was a significant breakthrough because up to now he had always tended to assess at the moment and never the overall picture. You never really know where you stand in the grand scheme of things and his comment just provided further verification of the miracle that God has provided me. I have been truly blessed.

Am I out of the woods? Is full recovery in order? When we first met back in December, I asked him to give me my overall chances with a bone marrow transplant at that time. His answer - 40%. I asked the same question today. His answer - 60%-70%. So, I am not out of the woods. But I don't care. I am exactly where the ideal patient should be at this point in time and I cannot aske for anything more than that. The reason for his answer is that getting completely back on your feet is a two year process. The first year they expect to contend with graft vs host disease while the second year is devoted to looking for any type of relapse. But, he said that every day that goes by and nothing untoward happens always increases my chances.

As for what lies ahead in 2010. Starting at the end of the month, I will once again be weaned from my one immuno-suppressant. Next month is the start of my vaccinations and, depending upon what results, he is looking for a clearance to go back to work in a few months. Halleluiah! The end of the tunnel just got even closer!

I just got through watching a PBS program called "Redefining Happiness" that had an impact on me. As they discussed people who had faced adversities in their lives and how they chose to address them, it made me realize that I have come to know myself a lot better as well. If anyone had asked me if I wanted to contract leukemia - the obvious answer is no. If anyone asked me if I was sorry that I got leukemia - the answer is still no! Why? Because getting this disease has helped me tremendously to better understand myself! I feel that it is helping to better define who I am - giving both additional purpose and fulfillment to my life. As I watched people on the show struggle with their battles against cancer by being resentful and angry, I realized that my faith in God quickly helped me leap over those hurdles and look for the positives. I may not survive - but I want you all to know that I am happier now than I was beforehand.

Truly a very happy day...

Bob