November 5, 2008 12:00

Let's get this underway. It's a good day. The election is over and the incessent political TV ads have mercifully come to a halt. It's also going to be a good day because the expectation is that later in the day my chemo will begin and the first positive step toward bringing my illness to a successful conclusion will have finally begun.

I want to lay down a few ground rules before I launch into the details of what's gone on, how I feel, what's next, etc. The first is that I am basically going to take a stream of consciousness approach to this whole thing. So looking for well thought out, well written entries most likely will not be in the cards as I flit from topic to topic as they enter my mind. Also, do not expect me to be able to post entries on a daily basis as I have been forewarned that there will be some days that the only activity that I will be able to handle is bed rest. Lastly, do not expect any high falutin' messages about the meaning of life, the important things in life, how we should enjoy each day as is it comes, etc. Why? Because....that's not me! That being said, however, I do not in any way wish to diminish the tremendous impact that every one of our family members, friends, coworkers, and others have already had on my wife and me and our collective journey has only begun. Let me also say at this time that I do not mean to slight anyone's contributions and support if I should make reference to someone's name and yours is not included.

I look for this blog to serve purposes. The first one is a little selfish in that I need some kind of catharsis mechanism to allow me to express the thoughts that are going on in my head. To me, this is going to be just as important a part of my healing process as any of the medications that I will be given. Secondly, it is just as important that each of you who is concerned about my condition - both mentally and physically - be allowed access to that information. Likewise, through the marvels of the internet and this blog you will be able to communicate with me as well. Those responses are, obviously, public. If you would like to communicate with me on a more private basis - my e-mail address is RLJemail@comcast.net. The snail mail address here is Brigham and Women's hospital, 75 Francis St., Boston, MA 02115. I am currently in room 6D722. The last reason is that this blog will relieve my wife of the tremendous burden of trying to field phone calls from each of you and also from feeling obligated to call people as various milestones occur along our march. I have only one job to do while she has the unenviable task of trying to hold the rest our lives together and to maintain some semblance of a normal life while, at the same time, supporting me through this endeavor.

One last thing before I get underway. As I said before, my room # is 6D722. It is a double sized room with only 1 bed in it and a little shopworn with its painted and wallpapered walls. It is somewhat pie shaped with its own private bath and an additional sink outside the bath. The view out the window is absolutely gorgeous - a rooftop down below and the sides of buildings. It is to be both my home and my prison for the next 4 to 6 weeks. I say prison because the door to the room is always closed and, whenever I leave the room, I must wear a surgical mask and gloves. However, currently my limitations are not yours. I am allowed healthy visitors but I am NOT allowed flowers and plants.


With the preliminaries over - lets now cut to the chase.

My name is Bob Johnson. I am 65 years old and I have been diagnosed as having leukemia. My life has come to a screeching halt with all aspects of it now funneled into one goal - to get well! I know that at various points in my life I asked myself the question - how would I respond if a doctor told me that I had cancer? When the moment arrived, I found myself being surprisedly calm. There was no need to launch into the 5 stages of denial, anger, etc, before one finally arrives at acceptance. The doctor might as well have told me that I had a cold, the measles, or whatever. A fact is a fact,however, and there is no getting around it. My only response was to say what's next?

Perhaps this was based upon any of several factors. As a child my parents were(and my mother still is) always realistic about addressing problems. When they arose - you faced them head on! Likewise, I am a Christian. How could I deny my faith by bewailing what had happened to me? How could I not possess full faith and confidence in the fact that God's healing hand will see me through this journey to a successful? The thought of "Why me?" had never crossed my mind.

In fact, I can see God's hand in this battle already. During our wonderful cruise of a few weeks ago, one of our side trips was cancelled forcing us to choose a substitute that involved climbing a large number of stairs which made my situation visible to my wife and sister-in-law and brother-in-law and causing my immediate visit to the doctor upon my return. At church on Sunday, a total stranger who was a cancer survivor spoke openly with me about what lies ahead and helped to set my mind at ease. Lastly, though I have never been a physical fitness devotee, my visit to the hospital 2 weeks ago revealed that, other than the leukemia, my body is in perfect health. This has allowed the doctors the wherewithal to fight this disease with every weapon that they can bring to bear thus increasing the likelihood of success.

I sit here today having had a "Hickman catheter" placed in me yesterday that allows for ready access for IV fluids and for drawing blood without the need to "stick me". This is a great relief as, having a blood disorder, there is a constant need to either inject or remove fluids and the body can only take so much. I have felt like a human pincushion over the past 2 weeks.

Currently, I am in the final stages of preparation for chemo. I am currently have a transfusion after having had x-rays, an EKG, and an electrocariogram. They tell me the chemo will occur today even it starts at 9:00 tonight.

Lastly, I want to thank all of you who have so thoughtfully sent cards and gifts and who have volunteered to help my wife in so many ways. Your kindness allows me to really see God working among his(no political correctness here!) people. And that is a true blessing!

I think that this will conclude today's entry for now!